Today it was time to look within

I’ve been delaying this meeting with myself for some days now. It’s not always easy to look within. Yet it’s inevitable for growth and healing.

Earlier this week, one of my kids was facing a challenge. They shared about it, and were quite disgruntled. Shortly after they moved on to speaking about something else. I however, could not move on. I was feeling triggered by their story and was stuck replaying it in my head. What can I “do” to help him?

The following day I found myself still thinking about it and bringing up the story again to my child. That day I was also triggered by conflict with a dear friend.

Both incidents, with my child and with my friend, triggered the same emotion in me, the feeling of betrayal. It was no coincidence the same feeling came up again. The universe is beautiful that way, it keeps providing opportunities for the same teachings until we dare to look within.

By now I know I had to either accept the invitation to look within, or keep avoiding it, knowing I’ll be granted another “lesson”. This time I welcomed the invitation. I did a RAIN meditation, which helps to bring a mindful presence when we’re stuck and caught in difficult emotions. After my RAIN meditation I was ready to journal on my experience.

My inner work revealed an old wound where I did indeed feel betrayed. An old memory, an encounter, where I felt deep hurt. This wound was being triggered today, with my son, and my friend. My exaggerated reaction in both situations was driven by my old wound and had nothing to do with the actual interactions in the present day. That wound was ‘coloring’ my current reality.

This awareness allowed me to touch my vulnerability, and soften. Initially, nothing in my outside world changed; my son was still facing a challenge and I was still in conflict with my friend. However what did change was my my inner world, I was more at ease and filled with compassion for myself, the one that felt betrayal.

Interestingly, the following day, the struggle my son was having subsided, without me “doing” anything. The environment that created the struggle for him changed and he was no longer going through the same experience. And, the conflict I had with my friend, also resolved. When I was centered, I could see the misunderstanding that happened between us, appreciate both of our humanity and recognize her effort to resolve the conflict.

In doing my inner work, I could be with my child and my friend, from a grounded state without projecting my experiences on them or our relationship. This liberated me from the shackles of my wounds and allowed me to connect with my loved ones.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

I would love to hear if this post resonated with you. You can send me an email or share in the comments below. Thank you for reading.