“The most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself. The most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

How does this quote sit with you? Does it feel true to you? Or does it feel lonely or self centered?

As a woman, and now mother, I was accustomed to believe that I need not think of myself first. To be a true woman and mother, I had to sacrifice my time, energy and desires to serve those around me. Prioritizing others’ needs over my own. My true value directly correlated to my level of victimhood, the more I sacrifice, the more of a victim I am, the more “real” and “honorable” a mother I became. It’s akin a badge to place on oneself. I am a mother, thus I am a martyr, thus I am noble.

The more roles the mother plays, the more hats the mother wears, the more honorable she becomes. Burnout is expected, paraded, and celebrated. Self care is a luxury that mothers do not have. They can seek it, they can crave it, yet they may or may not attain it. 

When I became a mother this way of being didn’t sit with me well. I needed to sleep to be able to function the following day. I needed to nourish my body to have energy. I needed to ground myself to be regulated. I needed a non judgmental community that would support me. In summary, I needed to take care of me to be able to show up to my child as the mother I want to be, and the mother that he needs. To take care of my mind, body and soul, with renewed vitality. 

The daily grind of the modern world is grueling. My body was on overdrive trying to keep up. I felt depleted. At first I tried various “self care” activities recommended to me. Between getting a massage or a beauty treatment, shopping, sleeping in, going out with friends. It was never enough. These moments filled me momentarily, then I felt burnout again. It didn’t take long before I noticed that life is the journey, life is the moments. And how I live each day is how I live my life, including, my own relationship with myself.

I started to ask myself “Am I living today as if my life really matters?” 

Asking ourselves this question allows us to uncover our life values. What is important for us in life and how we can live each day honoring our values. 

In doing so I realized that life doesn’t have to be a “win-lose game”. I can be a caring mother and care for myself. In fact I need to care for myself in order to care for my child and others.

With this realization I set out to explore how I can care for myself and what I needed to thrive in the world. In my quest I found Suzi Lula’s book, Motherhood Evolution. Her book presents self-care from a new compassionate and empowering lens. It redefines what it means to take care of oneself; physical form, emotional being and spiritual essence. Through her teachings, the axioms started to make sense. “You can’t pour from an empty cup”, “Put your oxygen mask on first”, “Self care is not selfish”. These axioms illustrate the vitality of self care and if taken to heart, allow a person to flourish. 

Loving oneself, honoring our own needs and having compassion for our experiences is a journey. It is a gift for ourselves and to those who share our path. Each and every day I include rituals to care for my mind, body and soul. My favorites include reading, exercise, meditation, quality time with family and time outdoors.

I invite you to love yourself, for loving oneself is the most selfless act of love. 

What can you add to your day as self care and self love? Let me know in the comments, I love to hear from the community.