In our lives we face challenges in health, jobs, relationships, finances, or when our dear ones struggle.

In these moments when we are knee deep in challenges, it is common, and also easy, to become tangled in stories. Stories of fear, shame, regret, blame, and anger. The current experience becomes colored with snippets from our past wounds and visions of our future fears. The experience quickly spirals out of control. We can no longer tolerate the discomfort. 

In an effort to regain control we set out to fix, force, escape, or ignore the experience. Our current struggle and challenge is perceived as an enemy and we strive with all our might to shut it down.

I invite you to reflect on this dynamic with a new lens. The challenges, struggles and issues that we feel, are “in the way” are actually “on the way”. They are not obstacles or  “in the way” of our path. They are part of our path, “on the way” of our journey and our experience.

“It does not matter what is happening, what matters is how we respond”. How we show up to life when there are struggles.

A couple of weeks ago my mother fell ill. When she got better, I invited her to visit us by the seaside to recuperate. She came to visit us and quickly fell terribly ill again.

I was worried. She was getting worse and I had no idea why she was ill.  She hadn’t received a proper diagnosis with her first illness and was discharged from the hospital with merely pain medication. 

I started to feel guilty that I had invited her over to recuperate by the seaside, wondering if the trip made her feel worse. My worry was exasperated by the fact that we were by the seaside where medical facilities are known to be limited and I had no prior experience with medical care in the area. 

In the midst of this experience, there were my two children, how was I to care for them whilst I am preoccupied with my mother? I was busy thinking about what needed to be done and how it needed to be done. I was overwhelmed and swamped in worry and fear that I hadn’t realized how I had “closed up”. I had shut down to those around me. Until one of the kids asked me “is Maminini going to die?”

Just then I realized. I was caught up in my own world, in my head, with my stories. I was busy trying to figure out how to “fix the situation” and change the circumstance. I was resisting the experience and detached from those around me. My son’s question stopped me in my tracks. I asked for a moment to ground myself and recenter. 

In these moments of mindfulness, I was able to slow down and bring conscious awareness to the current experience. I gifted myself a 10 minute R.A.I.N meditation practice for working with challenging emotions, to step out of the myriad of stories I created. In doing so, I was able to open my heart to connect with myself and my family and I felt a shift in myself. 

When I reconvened with my family, my focus was no longer tunnel view of what needs to be done now. This decision could wait another 5 minutes. My intention was to show up with an open heart and connect with them. I put all plans and decisions aside and sat down with my kids first, to explain what was going on; that their grandmother was ill, we don’t know why she is ill, and it is ok that we are worried. I then asked if they had any questions and we completed our chat with a hug.

My mother needed the same. She didn’t want to see me running around trying to figure something out. She wasn’t interested in that. What she needed was to feel safe and that she wasn’t alone. I sat by her bed, patted her hair and held her hand. I told her we were with her and hope she’ll feel better soon. I could feel her body relax and she leaned her head back, her body more at ease.

Having now connected with both my mother and kids, I could move on to the more arduous planning and focus on the medical requirements for my mother. We spent the next full day between doctor visits, tests and scans. My mother was still ill, that didn’t change. What did change was our mindset, showing up to the experience with more calmness and grounding.  By the end of the day we had reached a diagnosis and it was clear that my mother needed to travel to the city for more medical care. 

This experience brought connection and warmth in my family that day and continued to bear fruit as we traveled to the city.  My children also learnt how to care for someone who’s feeling unwell; placing cool damp towels for their grandmother’s fever, picking flowers from the garden to brighten her mood, making get well soon cards,  and ushering doctors and nurses to her room. More importantly they learnt to ask how someone is feeling, and understand that it is “ok” not to be ok and to go through challenges. 

My mother is better and we are all feeling connected. Reflecting in hindsight there are many other ways this experience could have unfolded. I am grateful for mindfulness allowing me to slow down and connect. 

This experience is part of my life, is part of our life. How we live each day is how we live our life. That day and those that followed, are how I aspire to live my life. To open up my heart and choose connection first always. To slow down and make time for connection. To welcome experiences into my life and approach them with trust, curiosity, interest and again because it is so important, connection. 

I invite you to reflect back on an experience that was challenging for you, or a struggle you are currently facing. How could it be part of your journey? And how do you want to show upto this experience?

I would love to hear how this resonates with you, you can comment in the blog or contact me via email.