Welcome to parenting with presence. This is my first blog article here in Parenting with Presence and I choose to write about something very close to my heart, “the pause”.

If I had to choose one superpower in the world, it would be the power to pause. I would choose the superpower to give myself, and others, an opportunity to pause when triggered for 120 seconds, that’s 2 minutes. 

Why 2 minutes you? 

Feelings change like the weather. According to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor;

“Emotion only lasts in our bodies for about 90 seconds. After that, the physical reaction dissipates, UNLESS our cognitive brain kicks in and starts connecting our anger with past events.”

Something happens in the external world; an emotion is triggered and creates chemical changes in one’s body. This is a physiological response. If you pause 90 seconds, notice, observe and label the emotion, it allows it to dissipate from the body. Fascinating right?

But we sometimes say; “I was sad all day” or “I was angry all morning”. Here’s what happens, after the 90 seconds, any remaining emotional response in the person are thoughts and stories added to the feeling keeping the person in an emotional loop. Every thought, story, fear, fans the flame.

If you notice, observe and label your feelings, you’ll start to realize as you track them that they’re alive and ever-changing. 

Allowing a pause, empowers us to ground ourselves and tune in to the emotions in our body, allowing them to come and go. As we become aware of the emotions, without attaching to them, we can observe them without engaging with them. 

I like Tara Brach’s definition of mindfulness where she also illustrates the power of the pause. Tara says “mindfulness is a pause – the space between stimulus and response, that’s where choice lies”.

In being able to pause, a person is empowered to choose how they will act. Instead of reactive behavior, a pause allows a person to have dominion over their behavior.

My superpower is invaluable to me. It allows me to time and time again, take that pause, and choose to act from love not fear. The ability to pause is a skill that can be learnt and practiced. I practice pausing daily, through meditation, journaling, exercise, and time in nature. 

If you are interested in cultivating this superpower, you can! You can start with a small practice such as tuning into yourself a couple of times a day. You can schedule this 3-4 times a day (set an alarm if you need to). During these times, if you can, stop what you’re doing, sit and close your eyes, and take 5 minutes to connect to yourself. With interest, kindness and curiosity, you can observe any predominant emotions, physical discomfort, or loud thoughts. If anything arises, you can label it gently, for example, planning thoughts, or tickling fingers, or neck pain. Acknowledge what arises with compassion, without judgement, without trying to change your experience. Simply noticing and labelling. When the 5 minutes are over, you can move on with your day. This exercise helps to cultivate the practice of mindfulness.

What is your superpower? I would love to hear from you.